i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
