1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
