Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
