Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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