Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize