What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
