The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
