Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize