I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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