They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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