he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
