Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
