I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
