he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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