I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
