so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
