Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
