I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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