Screwed.edu
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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