She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
