Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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