Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
