i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
