I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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