Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
