Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
