hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
