Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
