Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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