Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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