my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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