Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
