I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
