Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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