I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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