Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
