was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
