You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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