We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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