She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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