guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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