Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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