I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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