a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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