it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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