don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
