May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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