are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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