hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
