hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
