dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where is the hickey?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
