just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We talked him into tasing himself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
