Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
