batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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