can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
