careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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