I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
