my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
