he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
