my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
