Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
