Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
