Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
