dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
