Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found puke in my bra..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
