Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
