chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
