Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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