I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize