When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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