your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
