Don't make out with my wife yet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
