i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
