pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
