With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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