I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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