Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
