2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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