Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
