hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
