the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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