I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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