Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
