I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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