its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
