So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
