Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize